


choices

by fledgeling



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: actually just an angst fest, me back at it again at sibling bonding time which is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 23:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17069216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fledgeling/pseuds/fledgeling
Summary: They had to talk about her eventually, and at some point, he sensed that there were words he was afraid to have said or haven't said.





	choices

**Author's Note:**

> im posting from hell and im tired  
> i might fix grammar mistakes tomorrow but for now just have this bc im hella tired and its 2 30 am

They trek through the ThunderClan border, and neither are exactly sure why both of them were as distracted as they were, but they knew at some point, this conversation had to be coming. Lionblaze is the one who stops first, by the WindClan stream border, and he scuffles the grass by his paws.

“I worry you know.” Lionblaze meows, he’s not exactly looking at Jayfeather, and even though the other can’t see him he makes a dark expression to emphasize this. “Hollyleaf, she-she’s made her choice, and I… I, well, the both of you have.”

Jayfeather’s ear twitches and he continues, “It’s not like I don’t have my own choice, I’m just, not sure about it.”

He hesitates. “And I’m afraid of losing you too.”

His brother couldn’t hide his surprise, “Lose me? I’ve nowhere to go even if I wanted to. But that doesn’t mean-“

“You could’ve gone with Holly.” Lionblaze interrupts, tone resigned, “If _I_ hadn’t stopped you, if that _wall_ hadn’t collapsed down onto her, I _know_ for a fact that you would’ve followed her every step of the way.”

“And you wouldn’t?” Jayfeather asks, incredulous.

Lionblaze bites his tongue, he didn’t really know how to answer that.

 Jayfeather’s lips curl, and his back arches, bushed up, “What’s there to lose anyway? The moment we were born all that was fed to us were piles upon piles of _lies_. Our parents were cowards, and so were our _kin._ And I don’t know, maybe it would’ve gone _a lot better_ if a certain cat hadn’t existed and tried to stir up trouble just because somecat didn’t love him back, but what am I to say? They still would’ve kept on lying, over and _over_ again.”

Stiff and unsure, his voice falters a bit as he answers despondently, “You and Hollyleaf are all I have, you and I, and even Hollyleaf, even after all this I’m sure, _knows that_. I trust both of you with my life, more so than any other cat I’ve ever known, but, but ThunderClan needs me.”

Jayfeather’s expression contorted into pure fury, and he stood nose to nose against him, a small bristling ball of fur against a large, sad, and miserable heap of golden fluff, “Excuse me, are you _mouse-brained?_ ThunderClan has loads of cats within it already, if they want to keep so much liars in one place then they can be my guest!” His tails whips savagely, “ThunderClan doesn't need me _or_ you, Hollyleaf is the one that needs _us_.”

“You don’t know that!” Lionblaze snaps, his own fur starting to bristle, “Hollyleaf, sh-she would've told us if she did! She didn't tell us that she had spotted Sol, she didn't tell us that she was plotting to kill a warrior in our own Clan! And look at what happened! Disaster! She broke the warrior code by disobeying our leader, revealed our parentage, she murdered Ashfur!”

“Ashfur deserved it!”

“Of course he did!” Lionblaze shouts back, but his voice cracks and suddenly words that he had never said out loud were spilling like rainwater through his mouth, “Ive always known something was off about him, he never looked at me like I was his apprentice, sometimes I felt like he was looking at me like a piece of juicy prey, and, all I know was that he wasn't even deserving of a single heartbeat of our time. Hollyleaf didn’t deserve…. All of this fox-dung she drove right into, and I’m scared, Jayfeather.” His eyes glisten, and looks away into the trees, “We've already lost Hollyleaf, how long until I lose you too?”

His mew was so tiny, so shaky, that Jayfeather couldn’t help the flush of heartache that eased the frustration in his head, and he tries, he really does, to talk calmly, evenly, “I.. I’m not going _anywhere_ , idiot.” He concedes, “I mean, I can’t leave even if I wanted to, and what are you so worried about? You’re the warrior here, not me.”

“I can’t get hurt, its different for you.” Lionblaze states tiredly, staring at the gash on the medicine cat’s side, a long, visible scar. “Who knows what other cats have the sick of hurting blind ones?”

Jayfeather rolls his sightless, blue eyes, “When did blind ever define me as defenseless? I _never_ go to the frontlines, you’re worrying for nothing, you worry wart, you worrier.”

Lionblaze shakes his pelt, “You don’t need to rub it in…”

“Maybe not, but in your case, it seems you awfully need it. Do you even understand my case here?”

“No… not really.”

“Right, so will you ever stop worrying?”

Lionblaze blinks, “’Course not.”

Jayfeather sighs, “Exactly, and that’s why I should be worried about _you_.”

“That’s a load of badger droppings,” Lionblaze exclaims, “I’m invincible.” Though if he were honest he didn’t really feel invincible right now.

“Why _shouldn’t_ I?” Jayfeather says back, “Theres a lot more to cat’s than fighting, Lion. You should now by now at least.”

The warrior lets out a self-depreciating snort.

“You’ve got the strength, I’ve got the thoughts, and Hollyleaf had the words.” Jayfeather notes, “But what about everything else?”

_Had,_ Lionblaze wrinkles his nose at the word, “You don’t have to worry about that, not for now at least.”

“We do.” Jayfeather says, insists, “Not everything is solved with claws and teeth.”

Lionblaze sinks to the ground, emotionally exhausted, well solving problems with claws and teeth tend to be easier within his experience, he never really was good with thoughts, “I know,” he sighs, “But I’ll try, I can’t be Hollyleaf but I _can_ be Lionblaze, but that’s not enough I guess.”

Slowly, Jayfeather pads towards his side, and lies down with him, “No, it’s really not.”

Lionblaze deflates, and Jayfeather continues with a slightly amused and sad smile on his face.

“But it’s a start.”


End file.
